2011 Highlights

With only a few exceptions, 2011 was a pretty great year. Here are some of the highlights (too many to fit in a status update):

• Spent 3/4 of the year pregnant 
• Welcomed my sweet baby boy into the world 
• Took a 3 month vacation in my living room 
• Experienced a miracle 
• Felt literally every emotion possible, multiple times 
• Started a new job in a new building 
• Made new friends; strengthened bonds with old ones; and said goodbye to others 
• Gained and lost 45 lbs 
• Chopped off my hair 
• Watched my sister get married to a great guy 
• First ever overnight stay at a hospital 
• Shed more tears in one year than I have in probably the last 5 
• Let myself take risks and spoke my mind 
• Laughed every day; found humor in things I never thought I would
• Renewed my passion for life and love 

No resolutions for 2012, just going to watch my little guy grow and see what life has in store for me next!

Do I Have To??

The last three months have been spent smooching chubby baby cheeks, trying to get laughs by making silly faces and sounds, play dates, snuggling and essentially being at baby's beck and call 24x7.  A never ending to-do list and continued lack of sleep keeps me on my toes.  Baby continues to grow (12 lbs, 14.5 oz and 24" tall at his 2 month check up) and learns new things every day. 

On Thursday I go back to work. 

While a part of me is looking forward to reconnecting with friends and adults in general... I'm dreading not getting to stare at Aiden's little face for those 40 hours a week.  I've teared up every time I've thought about it over the last week or so, and now it's really close.  I'm packing up stuff I know he'll need at day care, trying to figure out what I'm going to wear the first day back to work (knowing all eyes will check out where that baby bump used to be) and hoping I'll remember how to speak to other working professionals without slipping into baby-speak. 

So I guess I just need to figure out how to be ok with doing it all.  Have to work to provide for my baby's future... pay the bills, get to do fun stuff like baby music class and all of the things he's going to want to do when he gets older.  I think it's the right thing for me (even my grandma thinks so), but it's going to be extremely emotional.  Here's hoping I get through the first day in one piece!

Other randomness...

At 12 weeks old Aiden smiles, laughs, coos and drools, follows and bats at objects, is starting to grasp toys, can do a mini push-up on his tummy and is gaining better control over his head and neck.  He kicks like crazy and can support his weight on his legs with some help from mom or dad.  He's started sleeping longer/better since he moved into his crib.  He loves his giraffe, Christmas lights, the penguin mural in his room and that cutie who stares back at him in the mirror.

I love, love, love my baby and he's truly priority #1.  I had a dream last night that our house was hit by a tornado and I dove into the crib over top of the baby and we were spun outside and landed on the ground.  I broke just about every bone in my body, but the baby was safe and sound... then we got to be on Ellen... lol.  Maybe I have been watching too much daytime tv...

Could you deprive this face of anything?

Is that Blood on the Baby? No... It's Jello

I really can't begin to describe all the changes to life in the last nearly three weeks.  But I'm going to hit the highlights...

Breastfeeding.  It sucks.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Sure, it's free, but it's very inconvenient and it hurts!!  I've officially lost count as to how many people have seen my... well you know.  I've also been compared to a cow... but at least they're a lot more impressive to look at!

EVERY thing is harder.  Today I learned to put on makeup with my left hand while cradling/feeding the baby at the same time.  My 20-minute morning showers are a thing of the past.  Getting out of the house takes at least twice as long.  Eating is a whole new challenge.  If it's a one-handed meal that's not messy, I can handle it, but if it's not... (queue blog title) red jello on the baby... oops =)

I miss sleep.  I took sleep for granted.  I haven't slept for more than a 4 hour block in 18 days.  And it hurts.  It takes a lot of sleep to keep up my typical energy level.  Yuck.  It'll get better, but I didn't realize how much I needed those 9 hours!  What I wouldn't give for just one night...

Best diet ever.  Have a baby, lose some weight!  I've already lost nearly 30 pounds.  Can even zip up my pre-pregnancy jeans... but they definitely don't fit by any means.

Bodily functions.  Happened much quicker than I expected.  I've been pooped and peed on and it doesn't even phase me.  This one surprised me.  Now I cheer when my baby poops - go figure!

Insane worry.  I worried about a lot of stuff before, but now being solely responsible for an 8 lb infant... wow.  Responsibility kinda sky-rocketed out of control.  I worry about him more at night than any other time.  I'm still afraid I'm not going to wake up if he needs me.  He's having some choking spells after feedings - sometimes up to 40 minutes after he's done.  THAT is scary.  Not sure what's causing it yet, might still be learning how to breathe... tricky business that breathing.

Love.  Unconditional, love at first sight, stronger than anything I've ever felt before in my life love.  So completely happy, lucky, grateful, fulfilled... yay!

How could you not love that face?  

Watch out, he might have gotten some of my charming personality traits... looks like he's up to something! ;)

Baby Aiden is Here!!!

He's here!!!  And if I do say so myself, he is absolutely perfect.  He's cute as a button and totally healthy.  I know an update is long overdue, so let's start at the beginning!

I went in to be induced on Saturday the 3rd.   The first drug they gave me was supposed to take 12 hours to work, but instead it worked too well and they pulled me off of that at only five hours.  I got a little bit of sleep and they came in to start the petocin at 2 a.m.  The petocin worked really well too and they had to keep decreasing the amount I was given because contractions were consistently two minutes apart and the intensity was picking up.  There was some concern with the baby's heartbeat because it decreased every time I got out of bed - so they flipped me from side to side and kept a real close eye on us.  Later that morning I got the epidural (total non-event by the way - the botched IV I got hurt way worse).  However at about 7 cm dialated, the epidural wore off on the left side of my body and I felt every minute and a half contraction for close to 30 minutes.  I bawled my eyes out - they hurt so bad.  So they upped my drugs to the max and from there it was smooth sailing.  I did some "practice pushes" once I got to 10 cm, because they thought I wouldn't be able to push with all the drugs, but apparently "I'm a natural" - lol.  My doctor almost didn't make it and we had to skip a few contractions.  Baby was out in about 30 minutes.  The whole process took around 23 hours - which for an induction is pretty good I guess.  I think there was some scary stuff that happened with the umbilical cord when he was born that nobody told me about, but I plan to ask some questions at my 6 week checkup.  So was it as bad as I thought?  Short answer - nope.  The amount of responsibility that came once he was born is about a billion times more scary.

Since then it's been all about baby!  The first night home was rough.  Having only gotten about 7 hours of sleep in the previous 3 nights - I was getting a bit irrational (still am one week later...).  The nights are the worst because I'm so worried that something will happen to him while I'm sleeping.  I do wake up at every little sound, but I spend a good portion of the day sobbing about whether or not he's going to be ok.  Everything checked out at the pediatrician and he really is perfectly healthy, but wow I didn't realize how much I'd worry - like seriously...  But he's eating well, sleeping in spells around the clock and going through a whole lotta diapers! 

I was also worried about not having any nicknames for him, but I've already come up with a few - Mr. Stinky, Baby A, Mr. Bobblehead, Blue Eyes, Squirmy.....

But Aiden is the sweetest most precious thing ever and I am so so glad he's finally here.  I've still got a lot of hormones to flush out of my system, but I already love him more than anything ever.  He's a piece of me - all the best parts.

Striking a Pose!  Totally my kid. =)

Longest.Week.Ever.

In less than 48 hours I'll start the induction process to have this baby.

Knowing this is both a good and a bad thing.  Good for obvious reasons - I know at some point this weekend I'll be holding my baby in my arms.  Bad because I know the labor part is coming, and that's all I can think about... it's been a REALLY long week.  I did some google research and scared the crap out of myself reading other people's induction stories.  Work is wrapping up so that's not a real good distraction anymore either.  And everywhere I go people ask me about it.  Some random dude at Wal-Mart asked me if I was "smuggling in a basketball."  Ha.  Yeah, clearly that's what I'm doing!

I am a little nervous about how having a baby is going to change me.  Priorities, lifestyle, etc.  Again, goes back to the whole "having no idea what to expect."  I'm sure it'll be fine, just have to get there...      

I will point out that not only am I working up to the day before I get induced, I still take the stairs AND do the laundry.  I am woman - hear me roar. =) 

Overall I am crazy excited.  And hey I'll have my own stories and advice to blog about by the time it's all said and done.  Ya know, in all the free time I'll have between changing diapers and feeding. =P  I'm told there's not much... who knew!?  Regardless, next post will include baby pictures!!  Wish me luck!

Confession Time

Since I almost literally can't think about anything other than this baby.... here's a confession. 

I am absolutely freaking out about the actual "having the baby" part of the process.  Forget not knowing what to do with the baby once he gets here - that I'm confident I'll figure out... but I keep having dreams and day dreams about an emergency c-section because the baby's too big or that something goes wrong during the delivery.  It occurred to me today (as I was crying the entire drive home from the doctor's office), that this is the scariest part to me.  I have no real idea of what to expect and it's the whole - fear of the unknown thing.  Plus, the fact that it could happen at any time without any real warning also freaks me out. 

The most invasive procedure I've ever had done is getting my wisdom teeth out - and I can't even imagine that child birth compares.  I'm a total wimp - that's no secret.  I will whole-heartedly say YES to the drugs when they're offered.  But I have no idea what to expect.  I'm in some serious physical pain as it is with my pelvic bone stretching out (TMI?)  And to think about how much worse that pain is going to get???

So there it is... I'm a big chicken and I'm really really scared!  I should find out tomorrow what day I'll be induced if I don't go on my own before... but still - that's about two weeks from now.  And I'm not ready for it!!  I get that people have been doing this since the beginning of time... but I wasn't one of them!  Gah!!!!  :-(

Baby A... Take a Good Look

With only 45 days left on the epic Baby Fouts countdown clock (hopefully less) the reality of the "situation" is definitely setting in.  Yesterday I got to see my baby's face.  Granted, it's a yellow image, only half visible because it's smooshed inside my body... but it definitely gave me a better idea of what the little guy is going to look like.

According to the sono tech, he has hair.  He weighs 5 pounds, 5 ounces (give or take a pound in either direction).  His head is currently in the 98th percentile - measuring more like 36 weeks instead of 33 weeks.  But overall he's in the 60th percentile, which may mean he is a week and a half to two weeks ahead of schedule still.  However, when the doctor comes in and asks, "so are you trying to have a bigger than average baby?" - you can't help but worry about how he's going to get out!  Most importantly though, he grew into his kidneys, which was the last of the concerns at the maternal fetal center.  His heart and brain and all the other internal organs are functioning exactly how they're supposed to be - a big sigh of relief on our part.  Now to address Chad's dream of me delivering puppies instead of a baby....

Of course I continue to have emotional breakdowns.  I did really good for a few weeks, then yesterday happened.  Seeing the baby's face kinda set me off and it got a little out of control from there.  As in, I started crying because I left my flip flops at home and we had to turn the car around to get them.  YIKES - lol.  At least I can laugh at myself... right!?!

Either way, in another 6 weeks or so, I'm going to fall in love with someone I've just met... and I seriously can't wait.  In the last 8 months I've experienced a WIDE range of emotions... excitement, fear, avoidance, disappointment, acceptance, sheer giddiness... seriously crazy hormones affecting all areas of my life.  But now I'm looking forward to the not-so-distant future like never before.  Bring on the sleep deprivation.

For Crying Out Loud

I've never cried so much in my life as I have in the past seven months.  It's gotten worse in the last few weeks. I cry when I'm sick, happy, sad, bored... I cry when the dogs refuse to listen to me.  I cry when I pinch my finger in the pantry door.  I even cry for no apparent reason whatsoever.  I know I've whined about the hormone thing before, but I really do feel like I'm stuck somewhere inside this body and can't do a thing but sit back and watch the drama unfold.

Friday marks 30 weeks of being pregnant.  3/4 of the way done.  Crunch time.  Better kick nesting into high gear.  Pack my bags... you get the idea.

My husband asked me the other day, "how much longer is that t-shirt going to fit?"  Oh no he didn't.  Well guess what - that t-shirt will now be worn as a belly shirt for the duration of the pregnancy (it fits perfectly fine now by the way).  He will be lucky if I don't deliver in it just to spite him...Yeah, I'm getting bigger.  Is it my fault baby loves ice cream and cotton candy??

A couple of lists...

Top five things about being preggers:

• Curves for the first time in my life
• Random people smiling at my bump or opening doors for me
• Watching my belly move (pretty sure I've seen a knee or elbow poking out)
• Planning/preparing/waiting for baby to arrive and letting all the possibilities consume me
• Some ridiculously vivid dreams (most recently - hottie vampire Eric from True Blood drinking my blood as I enjoyed a bowl of ice cream)

Top five things I miss and can't wait to get back to in ~10 weeks:

• Squeezing through small spaces
• Physical activity of any kind
• Bending at the waist
• Margaritas
• A normal body temperature

Looking Forward

Hello blog, it's been a while!  I've been busy with all kinds of stuff and in the process - getting more and more optimistic and hopeful for the future.  A few things have changed recently giving me even more to look forward to, and changing up a few other things for the better...

I had a dream last night that I had my baby on the 16th of some month.  He weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and was 19.5 inches long.  Specific?  Uh, yeah.  I'm switching careers if I get even one of those right!

The nursery is coming along.  We've got a bunch of stuff in there from the first baby shower with both sides of the family (which was tons of fun).  Once it's cleaned up I'll take some more pictures. 

Said baby is kicking more and more often.  One particularly hard kick the other day came during a phone call at work and caught me completely off guard.  It actually hurt, and I stumbled over some words.  Oh, and I'm getting bigger, losing my memory and balance and already getting antsy for delivery day.  I have the glucose test this week and if I pass I'm celebrating by eating the giant gummy bear on a stick Krystal got me...

In an upcoming blog I'll officially unveil the baby name.  Pretty set on the first name; narrowing down the middle.  I'll give you a hint, it's not Bruno or James Van Der Beek II.  Don't be disappointed!

You've probably been wondering what my belly button looks like too, haven't you.  It hasn't popped out yet, but we're getting close!  And yes, they make belly button baby bling.  Who knew?! =)

"Hey pal, eyes up here!" ...And Other Pregnancy Woes

I've wanted a baby for a while now.  Now that the bun is in the oven... I could really be over the whole "being pregnant" thing (16 weeks to go).

I get a lot more attention now.  And it's not the kind I want.  I'm identified now by "the bump."  Men stare at it (at least I think they're staring at it, could be my other growing assets I guess, *snicker, snicker*).  I've been referred to as "the pregnant one" more than a couple times now.  Today I found out that there's a person in my life who thinks I'm incapable of doing something, "because I'm pregnant."

Well I'm here to tell the world that most of the time, I forget I'm pregnant.  If it weren't for the frequent trips to the restroom and a belly that's suddenly in my way all the time... I could block it out and get plenty of other things done.  Not only am I capable of creating and carrying a tiny little person in my body for 9 months... but I look damn good doing it.  There's not a thing that I can't do.  Sure, there's the medically restricted stuff like don't drink alcohol or get a tattoo... but you get the point.  So when it comes to something simple like working 50 hours a week or planning a party?  BRING IT.  If you expect to see me barefoot and in the kitchen baking a pie, you better not hold your breath.

My new favorite quote by the way...

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."  

So to those who think I'm just hormonal all the time?  Please see above. =)

Can you tell this got me all riled up?  I hope I don't seem ungrateful or anything like that.  I couldn't be happier that there's a little guy just chilling inside, waiting til he gets a little cuter to come out and grace the world with his presence...

But save the special treatment.  I don't need it.

Ode to My Belly Button

My belly button has always been an "innie."  One of the first things I noticed with the whole 'getting pregnant' thing (ya know, outside of the baby bump) - is the ever so slight change to my poor belly button... it's a lot more shallow now and I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time before it pops out the other direction. 

I got my belly button pierced when I was 17.  It hurt a lot and I passed out almost immediately after.  In my defense, it was a BIG needle... and I'm a total wuss.  Anyway, I've found some super flexible belly button rings that should allow me to keep it pierced throughout the pregnancy (so claims the website).  I've got a tiny one in now, and I've already got one that says, "It's a Boy" on the end of it.  It's a good two inches long.  You're supposed to be able to cut to fit, but I do have to wonder... who is the person that actually needs the full two inches?  Less than 19 weeks left, there's NO way... at least I hope!

So, Belly Button, dear little friend.  You've been a part of me for quite some time now.  I'm confident that you'll return to your natural innie position, sporting the shiny beads that once drew attention to my once tiny tummy.  Until then, Belly Button!

Preg-osaurus Ashley...

Easily the most feared creature on the planet for the next 22 weeks... she'll be the sweetest, kindest and most caring of animals one moment... and the next? 

She gets a little moody (maybe a little hungry...) and WILL bite your head off if you get in her way. 

She'll burst into tears at the drop of a hat (she still has feelings), and yes, she'll go full circle before you know what hit you. 

In fact, you might not even see it coming...  (Hint:  Try not to move... she can't see you if you're not moving!  However, you are much easier for her to catch the closer you are!)

Comfort Food

There's more than just one food that comforts or puts me in a better mood.  Since I have a bit of a sweet tooth, I'm pretty easy to please. 

M&Ms and strawberry cheesecake are probably my go-to comfort foods.  Tonight the quickest choice to ease a rough day was a shamrock shake.  Yeah it's my second one this week... oops.  Doesn't make it any less comforting.

I'm a bit more predictable than I'd like.  One thing you might not have expected? (I sure didn't)  This baby thing is freaking me the crap out.  There's a list of 27,000 baby names on a single website.  I don't have time to look through 27,000 baby names, much less pick ONE that this kid is going to be stuck with.  Once I know if it's a boy or a girl that will help... I'm also partial to 'A' names... probably because mine starts with an A (as does the word, AWESOME).  Plus I want it to mean something cool.  I do have a boy name that I like (starts with an A), but nothing I'm super excited about yet if it's a girl.

The friggin' hospital also called tonight to pre-register me... I'm not having this baby until September... unless they've got another idea in mind.  THAT freaks me out even more!  Plus I've got a second set of fingernails and an extra heart, brain and every other internal organ, growing inside my body.  Creepy... sure hope it likes McDonald's...

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.  It's just overwhelming to think about... of course a lot of things are.  At least there's no sign of a chocolate or strawberry cheesecake shortage...

The Baby Story

I'm still Kind of a Bad Ash... just with a baby!  I'm about 12 weeks pregnant, due September 9.

I've kept this very big secret (for the most part) since the beginning of the year.  In fact, I've been keeping a secret since late 2009, because that's how long we've been trying to get pregnant.  It took 15 months and a ton of tests to figure out what the deal was.  Months 6 - 12 I took a progesterone supplement... then we tried clomid, more hormones and tummy shots... I took my temperature every morning for over a year... in December we switched to the big guns and tried a combo of hormone creams - the last option before venturing down the in-vitro route.  Luckily, the hormones did the trick.  There were some hiccups early on, but three sonograms later, everything is looking great.

I spent a lot of time being very frustrated over the past year.  I pretty much felt like a failure... and a whole lot of disappointment and confusion surrounded that.  You'd never know it though - this girl puts on a happy face.  Until recently of course... these pregnancy hormones are making me a bit crazy.  =) 

So anyway, it was a rough 15 months, but since January 2, I've been on top of the world.  Filled with worry about the baby, yes, but that's at least normal and rational. 

The past two months I've felt pretty good.  Nausueus about 90% of the time, hungry ALL the time, frequent potty breaks and my pants are getting tighter.  No weight gain yet, but I hear it's coming, lol. 

Baby's heartbeat at 12 weeks was 155 bpm and measured 6 centimeters.  Right now it's measuring 6 days bigger than it's supposed to be.   Sounds like we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl on March 28.  Place your bets now!